Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding.
We are gathered here to mourn the passing of the England career of David "Calamity" James.
We have all enjoyed those years of watching David's career as he, unlike others, always brought his club form to the international scene.
Despite that handicap we all remember with a smile on our face those times he brought the England fans such strong emotional moments.
The laughter, the sorrow, the incredulity, all those things that were instantly brought to the fore by David every time he played.
Who wil forget those stunning moments of tension as David, replete with gloves sponsored by "KY Lube", came out for a corner or a free kick and, on a good day, was sometimes seen in the same postcode as the ball.
Other things to note after today's result: Who IS Michael Owen sleeping with to play every game? In what decade will we start playing wide players again? Does David Beckham understand the word 'formation' (or hard words like 'pass' and 'cross')? And, of course, can England pay for the 2012 Olympics by having fans sponsor Rooney's swearing?
