The first speciality venereal disease clinic, the London Lock Hospital opened...

Paris Hilton and Jodie Marsh were today seen laying flowers at the site as they do every year with reverence...

"It's the most sacred day in the It Girl religion," said Marsh. "We always celebrate Clyamidiaday."

Hilton stayed to play her annual part as flasher queen in the ceremonial opening of the legs but crowds were low.

"It used to be interesting," said Mr Colin Binniforce, 31. "But now it's like the Sound of Music, you've seen it so often it makes you switch to the other side..."

This guy in America hit the barrier, flipped over it, hit the edge of the culvert, flipped over that and the truck eventually came to a standstill right side up on that rock ledge to the left as you look at it.

Lucky, right?

Now here's the kicker...

Click on the picture for a wider angle view, NOW how lucky do you think he was...

...to get in the Bloscar noms!

Which yes, is simply an excuse to post my latest "creation".

Full story HERE.

Wrote something in my MSN header that was aimed at me.

Wonder if someone could have taken it the wrong way.

The English language is hard sometimes.

"During an interview with '60 Minutes' on Sunday, President Bush defended the invasion of Iraq, saying, 'We liberated that country from a tyrant. I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude.' Said the Iraqi people, 'We've been meaning to send a card, but our Hallmark store keeps blowing up.'" --Amy Poehler

"In an interview with 'Fox News Sunday,' Vice President Dick Cheney commented on Congress' efforts to stop additional troops from being sent to Iraq, saying, 'You cannot run a war by committee. You run a war by a monkey, a map, and some darts.'" --Seth Meyers

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send? John Edwards and Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Muslim groups are concerned that the new season of '24,' which features Muslim terrorists setting off a nuclear explosive near Los Angeles, will foster hate against them and create a climate of Islamophobia. Also creating a climate of Islamophobia -- terrorism." --Seth Meyers

"In Cambodia, a woman was found who lived alone in the jungle for 20 years and who speaks an unintelligible language. They don't know what she's saying. Experts are predicting she will soon move to America and become the next governor of California." --Conan O'Brien

"In the Scooter Libby trial, the defense is looking for people for the jury who trust Dick Cheney. Unfortunately, most of the people who trust Dick Cheney have also been indicted." --Jay Leno

Programmer at this retail chain gets an assignment to add some functionality to four reporting applications. One change request is to add passwords to one of the four applications -- but just one.

"Just doing one sounded suspicious to me," says the programmer. "So I decided to code the password logic in a separate module for easy reuse. I only had to add one line of code to the existing executable."

Fast-forward six months: The new versions are installed in a handful of stores for beta testing before they'll roll out to 1,000 stores nationwide. Programmer's boss drops by his cubicle to tell him that the users like the password function, but they wanted it on all four applications. How long would it take to add it to the other three?

He calculates: add one line of code, compile, do some testing. That's maybe a few hours' work if everything goes as planned -- which it seldom does.

"Two days," he tells his boss.

She's skeptical. "Are you sure?" she says. "Let's say one week."

Programmer shrugs. Boss continues: "Three applications, one week each, I'll tell them three weeks."

He tries to explain that he estimated two days for all three applications. She's still skeptical, but after he assures her that with code reuse he really can finish in two days, boss compromises: She'll tell them it'll be done in one week.

"I went to lunch, came back and updated all three in about an hour," says the programmer. "The module worked great. I walked over to my boss's office to tell her the news. She asked if I was sure it worked. I assured her it did.

"She had already sent the estimate to her manager and, to be safe, she told him two weeks. She asked me not to send it to QA for another week. We didn't want to look too good.

"I had a chuckle and started working on something else. A couple of hours later, she forwarded me a note from her manager to the business client. He had padded it another week. I now had three weeks to finish my already completed changes.

"I worked on other things for a week, recompiled them so the date was recent, and got a big attaboy for finishing so promptly."

Today's been so bloody niggly, problems here, worries there, concerns everywhere.

Generally having a hating me and my life day.

And, as an aside, I hate quiet children, they should be loud and happy and having fun. But when they make that shrieking like a cat in a mangle... make them be quiet rather than smile at them for an entire 40 minute train journey.

Bombshell dropped when I got home too.

Really don't feel like being online, even on my laptop anymore.

Sorry, grump post.

And sorry you.

A quiet moment in work which means all the usual things.

• Have brain go mental thinking up more blog designs.
• Try and FINALLY make my mind up about whether to buy the new mp3 player or not.
• Explore the meaning of life in all it's myriad of forms from ecumenical to environmental to asthetic.

OK, maybe not the last one.

...a normal time to be getting up on a Saturday...

Busy day...

And tomorrow promises to be even worse!

How apt to some recent 'difficult' bloggers...

Two Engineering Students

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,

"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

...to the person who recognises what my header is a tribute to! (No Subbers, you can't play... )

Had a pretty good day, very busy.

Just photoshopping for a good blog-buddy but have nothing to say anyway so that's ok

PS, Old Nick won by suggesting The Outer Limits!

...what a day...

Knackered.

I have been around, just had blog block of the brain!

...Rich and thick!

An owner of one of the richest stores in Madison Avenue, New York has come up with an intriguing, if not caring, way of dealing with a quartet of homeless people who use the hit air vents from his shop for warmth and dare to sleep infront of his store.

He's suing them.

This bloke, on a 6 to 7 figure salary is trying to sue the homeless for 1 million dollars.

Oh, and they have to stay 100 feet away from his store too.

Karl Kemp, owner of the posh Karl Kemp & Associates Antiques, Ltd. on Madison Avenue, sued three men and a woman for $1 million earlier this month, alleging they scare away customers when they drink alcohol, urinate and warm themselves above a heating duct in front of his shop.

What an arrogant waste of space bastard!

I wonder if supporting homeless charities in New York (a city with one of the world's highest percentages of homeless people)... I'd bet not.

Those people don't show up on this guy's radar unless they might be harming his profit margin, and even then his answer is to try and send them away... oh, and even get a little bit MORE cash for his pockets, although I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he knows he wont get anything monetary out of them.

I suppose to his upper class clientele it's probably a big horsey laugh, although they'd probably rather shoot them.

That's what it is out there... and I have a day off!

So do I stay inside and as toasty as a freshly toasted piece of toast from an industrial toaster?

No, my brain says "hey, get out of the house a bit, lets go shopping!"

Can't spend too much in town anyway, still deliberating that uber-gorgeous and uber-pricey media player that sits in my blog header.

"I'm just stepping out, I may be some time..."

After Helly's request of how to cheer everyone up...

Comic from HERE

Click the pic for full sized animated.

I can't stop making blimming blog designs

It's ridiculous really, for AGES people made little friendly jibes at my uber-basic blog design, then I managed to fight together the sci-fi one and that stayed for months on end, now I cant go hours without feeling I need a change...

Very odd.

At the moment my tribute to wanted gadgetry is staying.

At the moment.

Which means any time before midnight...

"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again." --Jay Leno

"People who watched the speech said President Bush looked uncomfortable. And I was thinking, of course -- he was in a library surrounded by books." --David Letterman

"After hearing the president's speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush's deployment of his military escalation. In response, President Bush said, 'Huh?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Ted Kennedy attacked the president. He said Iraq is George Bush's Vietnam. Which is very unfair. There is a huge difference. Bush knew how to get out of Vietnam." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is now calling for sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq. How does he come up with that number? I don't even think 21,000 people in the country think it's a good idea." --Jay Leno

...THIS is a much more civilised time to be getting up.

Another tick in the box of preference for today's shift...

Anyway, off to work I go!

(Yes, I know it's Monday but I'm happier with life today!)

...and after I've changed my blog design for the 473rd time this month...

Remember the Bloscars!

If you haven't taken part click the banner above and do it!

Ignore any sour grapes you may have read, these are for everyone, it's a free voting system across the whole of blog, and you can even vote for yourself.

So do it and lets have a bit of community.

...I've edited the blog header AGAIN...

I was just watching the news (I know, strange for me) and saw Jade Goody doing the waterworks act, how many of us really believe she cares? She only regrets being a freak because it's cost her money and sponsorship...

Aaaaanyway, moving on from the queen of dim...

Had what can only be described as a relaxing day, bit of GTA, bot of the net and photoshopping and a lot of reading, currently working my way through one of Gervase Phinn's excellent autobiographies about life as a school inspector, they're a great laugh.

I've also spotted we've been blighted on this blog by the worst kind of bigot, who's already shown himself to be racist, homophobic, xenophobic...

I just don't get it, and I can tell you I know the type. He listens to local radio phone ins and, even worse, often rings in to take part.

He reads the Daily Mail because it "speaks the truth" and "says what the common man is thinking".

He truly believes in his opinion to the deficit of all others, he doesn't have a point of view, he has the ONLY view, the rest of us are opionally blind.

He'll use arguments about "they steal our jobs" perhaps having a job taken from him by a better qualified immigrant/woman/homosexual and use the word "moslem" as a direct alternative to the word "terrorist".

He is, in short, a poster boy for the British Nazi Party.

It's still a view I find hard to work out. How can you hate someone from the colour of their skin or their sexual preference, or even their country of birth?

These are things they have no control over and things that, in the great scheme of things, mean a pitiful amount.

It's as sad as the irrational hatred because of religion, because of football teams, because of height... Any of those other things people prejudice over.

Of course he may come back and say I do it, I am, and I admit, bigotophobic. The thing is I hate people because of what's in their head and heart, the things we can change, not because of random undefinable qualities.

PS, a caller on a radio phone in the other day, who could have BEEN this bloke was actually complaining that the old songs were "tainted" because they use the word gay (for happy) in their lyrics, "how can we sing that now THEY have taken over the word!"

Radio phone ins and bigots... hopefully soon to be dying breeds.

Been a weird day, specially as I was expecting a relaxing time with it being a Saturday off for once. Been feeling wrong for a lot of it, thankfully said body-glitch appears to be easing so that's ok...

I know I don't really mention sport that much now but woohoo to Liverpool for that spanking of Chelski, I HAD to enjoy that! (Well, the bits I watched while not away from the telly on the phone with Subbers.)

Having my latest gadget frenzy too, my old mp3 player is a bit glitchy and also full (cmon, it's only 40 gig...) so I'm thinking of getting one of these: (click the pic)

Oh, and my new doodling gallery is up so regular readers dont have to be inundated with my photoshoppery. (We have to get that word in the English language, it's just as good as Googling...)

...to my friends, at some point today I think I'm going to move all my photoshoppery onto a new blog so you'll get a ton of posts appear on your "latest friends post" list.

Muchos apologistas.

Think if we all promised faithfully to watch whatever else they put in the timeslot C4 might finally pull the plug on the biggest blight in British telly up to and including Vanessa Feltz?

...this suggestion will prompt the answer "what's new" but this will be bit dull cause my brain isn't with me.

Had a bad day.

Started crap cause I was knackered after the bad night and went downhill, sometimes the smallest niggles create the biggest problems.

Photoshop here I come.

That is all...

Is it morning already!?

I'm sorta glad, had an awful night of little sleep, one of those nights that seem tiringly short, yet brain exhaustingly long...

Ruddy weather...

By the way, before I start on my actual point... has anyone else noticed these now autosave?! Woo! Superb feature I have to admit so props to Vasco etc

It's funny sometimes how my brain works, for a while I'll not go near photoshop, then I'll rediscover my love of it and can't get off it for as long as my inspiration keeps coming.

I blame Paddy, I really do, if it wasn't for the bloscars I might not have kicked off again and might not have found it so much.

Not that it's a bad thing, I really do enjoy the design pap, I have no great artistic talent and I'm totally self taught on Photoshop but I enjoy pootling around and I don't do false modesty so I'll admit I'm pretty happy how a lot of things have come out.

I do need the inspiration though because I'm not massively artistic, I'm not one of those people who can sit down, any time of the day and think up something to Pshop.

There's something relaxing about it too, I've been told I have a creative personality, although they meant with radio stuff, audio and trails and comps, that sort of thing.

I think it's just nice sometimes to kick back, mess around and make something, life is often so destructive that we need to build rather than break sometimes.

Sorry, fractured post, sort of train of thought blogging.

Ah well.

Never said I was textually creative.

The new design is in.

But I already have another stored... and had more ideas last night...

I could happily play with designs and digital arty stuff all day.

So, any comments gratefully recieved, even ones such as "I hate it" cause trust me, that'll just prompt me to make more