Haiku's are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Thank you.

I actually had a good day...

I know... shocking!

Job satisfaction, busy but not stressed, compliments and gratitude from co-workers...

Oh, and I made a few things good enough to be on my showreel

Right, linksharing now and I'vebeen having great fun playing with THIS, called FlashEarth.

OK, so it's just another satellite maps prog but it aggregates google, yahoo, microsoft etc, etc so you have a load of different choices and it's nice and easy to use

Quips from Late Night.

"Are you folks excited about the 2008 presidential campaign? ... Hillary Clinton says that if she's elected, she will name her husband Bill Clinton a roving ambassador to the world. ... Hmmm. Let me think about this. Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife? No, I can't see anything going wrong there." --David Letterman

"Earlier today, President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited Bush to visit Machu Picchu, Bush said, 'Great, I love Pokemon.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney. Do you know what would happen if Cheney was impeached? George Bush would become acting president." --Jay Leno

"President Bush was in town. ... He attended a big fundraiser on Park Avenue. It's part of his program 'No Cash Left Behind'" --David Letterman

"Bill Clinton announced he'll be flying to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia Boris Yeltsin. At least, that's what he's telling Hillary." --Conan O'Brien

"Sheryl Crow was at the dinner to raise awareness of global warming, and she has an interesting plan. Sheryl Crow is encouraging people to only use one square of toilet paper when they go to the bathroom. ... So in other words, don't ever shake Sheryl Crow's hand" --Jimmy Kimmel

"No, I've been in for an hour or so."

"Oh, have you swapped shifts?"

"No, I always start at 10?"

"EH?!?"

Note to late risers... When the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 11...

Aaanyway...

What have I done so far?

Mixed a trail even I'm happy with.

Got various bits of audio for my busy day (really, truly, it's busy!)

Found a picture of a naked woman draped over a Dalek...

Hmm, that was also to do with work, scouts honour!

Although I think there's a little red light flashing in our IT office...

Hey, Subarella... I may have solved your problem...

HEEL!

OK, I don't know about you but despite the various panicky whines of the US Department of Defence I have never stumbled across a guide on the internet about how to make a bomb.

But that's all we ever hear, the internet is bad, you can learn to make a bomb.

Right.

Sod you then because I DO know how to make a bomb and now, so will you.

I've taken some snapshots of the process and turned into an animated gif, so CLICK HERE.

I'm not responsible for any damage done...

...where ladies of negotiable affection work?

And so I'm having a relaxing day...

So far I have:

Slept.

Slept.

Slept.

Played Animal Crossing, 3 more fossils found, turnips bought etc, etc...

Watching Eddie Izzard Sexie.

Later I will be:

Watching the A1 Grand Prix...

Other stuff.

See, fast and fancy free me.

Few options for you Nick?

Pirate Chat-Up Lines

I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.

You're just the tasty wench I've been keeping me eye out for!

Hey, sexy -- how about a Jolly Rogering?

Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.

See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.

WOW! I bet we could fit SIXteen men on that chest!

Me skull and crossbones arn't the only thing I plan on raisin' tonight.

Do ya' mind if the parrot watches?

Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?

Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded.

So you're the new cabin boy, eh?

Do you have the latest copy of Windows XP with cracked product activation? (software pirates only)

Yo, ho! Bottle of rum?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre you free on Saturday?

Is there an 'X' on the seat of your pants? Because it appears that there's wond'rous booty buried underneath!

Hmm, this puts the Guatemalan Sinkhole in perspective... (and no, no photoshopping was used!)

This is a diamond mine in Siberia and is one and a quarter kilometers across, it creates such suction it's caused low flying helicopters to crash, they've now made it protected airspace...

I have nothing to do...

But I'm sitting here doing it anyway.

10.30 in the morning, 4 terrestrial channels (can't be bothered to switch the satellite on) and no cartoons.

Gawd, when I was a kid the problem was WHICH set of cartoons to watch, BBC1 would have toons on, ITV would have toons on and you ignored BBC2 which would be *spits* educational programming or Channel 4 which was *spits twice* horse racing.

Course that did mean as you channel hopped you could get quick glimpses of a beardy member of the intelligentsia in a bad jumper purchased in 1934 telling us why socio-political factors, economic theory and the square on the hypotenuse all factor in to explain why, no matter how long a trouser he purchases the bottoms still rise up to mid calf when he crosses his legs.

Of course, for any child who forgot themselves and went up rather than down from CITV was led to a far worse sight, a terrifying edifice likely to bring fear into the hearts and bowels of small children everywhere...

John McCririck (sp?) on C4.

But now we have ADULT programming on BBC1, a cookery show no less. Some kind of kiddie Crystal Maze on 2 and 3 and a music show on 4...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...

We need animation. We need anvils dropping on heads. We need things that defeat the laws of physics that Beardyman should be preaching to nobody on BBC2.

Bah...

Wonder what the answer is, are kids getting up earlier, are kids getting up later, are kids so bloated thanks to all the dedicated toon channels on Sky?

All I know is the immutable laws of the universe state cartoons on a Saturday morning... So have one on me.

...

Got from HERE

Good homecure?

I'd quite like a lifeguard job like this... Anybody feel worried in the bath?

Would you want to live near this and drive under it daily?

...I actually achieved job satisfaction today...

Freaky it was...

1. You've read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar

2. You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Jesus.

3. You've definitively figured out a way to get Gilligan OFF the island.

4. You decide to see how many Red Bulls you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.

5. People come into your office frequently to borrow pencils from your ceiling.

6. The 5th Division of Paperclips has completely overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

7. You blog a list of "Signs you have nothing to do at work".

the worst part is I do... lots...

Ok, got things to blog, just dont have the mental powers to do it...

Goddamn Lottery, let me win!

...two posts down should have been titled "The dangers of sex with a supermodel..."

Or Posh Spice

Google in 1960...

We've seen when students write silly answers on exam papers when lost... on this one the tutor decided to join in... Was this you CJ?!

Hmm, so I had an apple earlier... think I have a one track mind?

Ok, so, hands up and all that, this post might sound a little hypocritical due to the fact part of my job revolves around adverising but hey...

I hate the large majority of TV adverts.

A few of the car ads are ok, well, barring that one where the insufferable twerp that is Cristiano Ronaldo drives a Seat... Every time I see that one I hope they might have changed it so the gang of street football kids mug the gawky twonk and shatter his kneecaps... so far no luck... reckon it would have made a LOT of people think higher of Seat though...

Beyond that I fear we slip into some real dross, not helped by the fact it's fairly obvious most adverts can only afford people to whom acting is a hobby rather than a career... well, we can but hope that anyway cause the quality of acting wouldn't even be good enough to get most of them into a soap opera let alone a TV programme containing real acting.

We have loan ads, specifically aimed at the financially disabled "Bad with money? Borrow a load from us!"

Here's a question, these people are in debt, are being crippled by loan payments, are close to losing their minds and homes so when they get a loan they... buy a car or go on holiday. Hmm, with mental powers like that I wonder why you're in debt?

Onto the list we now include any, that's ANY ad involving children.

They are, without even a modicum of doubt, all total pap. There's one for either Butlins or Pontins right now with two eternally arrogant "look at me I'm an actor" kids showing people around and obviously wishing they were the next PJ and Duncan... well, I hate to tell you kids you;re not even Dick and Dom let alone Ant and Dec!

Oh, and the five a day with a bunch of kids playing top trumps? Unless his fruit salad has been traced with arsenic I don't want to know. Lets be honest, the healthy things in your lunchbox are what you hide. You don't openly advertise you have a pre-packed fruit salad, and if you're silly enough to do that I don't see the rest of the class cheering somehow...

That's one of the ad's actually I always edit. As soon as insufferable brat number 1 says "lets see what you've got!" I do without fail reply "a mute button" and use such...

I will admit to being quite sad and adding my own voiceovers to many of these ads...

"Hi, Picture, we need to borrow some money..." "...We need some acting classes or I'll never get to be corpse number 3 on Casualty."

"When I start to feel bloated..." "...I realise I shouldn;t have eaten so much."

"Oooh, new Zafira?" "Yes, my Dad is going to take us out to the woods and bury us in quicklime."

OK, so that last one was for Paddy.

So... did I have a point...? I thought I had one before I started this mini-rant... Ah well, I'm off to find ads I can Photoshop to make better...

It's another of thos eboring days off, it's a bit grey and dank outside but I did get a nice parcel this morning that made sure I had something to do for three hours...

The biggest problem of book to movie is always losing the mental picture the reader has but this was great, all the casting was done excellently and it kept to the book superbly with only a few tangents removed to get the thing down to a proper length.

So... that was mainly my day, just watching a bit of snooker now... how sedentary...

Lol, love this article...

Can we beat them again?

My logical brain says no.

...is it sad to get a little thrill buying stuff through the work order system without having to ask...?

Happy birthday Faffa, 21 today!

Is this a good time to plug the blog birthdays calendar? Look to your right (and up if this isn't the first post anymore

Ok, THIS is funky.

And don't just believe me as the ubernerd, ask Subbalicious too cause we've been playing on it.

It sets up Tubes between you and other PCs, like little shared folders that can sync across the net, even have backups online so you can get into your files from anywhere.

I know you can do folder sharing and stuff on MSN etc but this is sorta a second level.

Ok, the nerd is going to bed now after getting too excited

PS, yes I am still up, yes I do have work... yes I will be trashed in the morning...

Gawd I had a scary moment earlier, all of you may know how much I hate photos of me, ANY photos of me.

Well, today I found some photos from about 3 and a half years ago of me in a tux at the Plymouth Argyle Centenary Dinner (got a free ticket, blagger )

First thought... God that's not me...

I hope it's not me, I know it was a few years ago but I keep thinking... do I see what I want to see?

Bah, it's flippin work photos, they always look bad.

Oh, and a chat has just reminded me... have you heard Vista is so pants that Dell are having to make XP computers again after 11,000 people complained about Vista...

Must be making Microsoft sick right now, they've told people that by 2008 there will no longer be any XP machines sold... which is why I hear PC manufacturers are trying to stockpile XP copies.

Now scuse me, I'm off to permanently delete some photos...

Hmm, right, to alleviate any boredom, go play THIS

God loves the StumbleUpon bar for Firefox

So... I've played Animal Crossing, backed some stuff up onto hard drive, chatted a bit and...

Well, yeah, that's it really.

It's grey and dull out which has sapped me of any interest in going into town or doing anything vitally exciting, especially as there's nobody around to do it with.

So here I am, sat blogging, wishing I had something of vital interest to say

Oh, and trying to think up another Photoshop project...

Aussie Safety Boots - Sorry Subs, can't find gravity defying versions...

*Cough*

...I need a Photoshop project.